Making the decision to move an elderly parent in with you is not a decision to jump into lightly. There are many things to consider including how your parent feels about the whole situation. You would be making drastic changes to your lifestyle as would your family. The family dynamic and roles will change causing tension and worry.
The decision to be your parent’s caregiver inside your own home is not always clear cut. First of all, you need to decide (with your parent) whether or not there are intermediate steps to take before making the big leap. Can you afford a caregiver to live with your parent? Can your parent even live alone safely? Are you going to care give by yourself? How comfortable do you feel with the role reversal? There are many things to consider first. Here are some questions that may crop up in the course of making that caregiving decision:
The Family Dynamic
First of all, many aging parents may feel they do not need any help and might resist moving in with you. How are you planning to talk with them about it? You need to be prepared with a list of reasons why they can no longer live alone. Also, your family will be changed as well if a parent moves in with you. How will your ailing parent integrate with your family? How will your spouse and kids feel and in what way will their lives change? You will need to talk with your family to even see if moving your parent in is the right thing for everyone involved.
You need your own personal time and space but how will you get them with a parent to take care of in your home? What would your limits be in caring for your ailing parent before a nurse becomes the better choice? How dependent will the parent be on you beyond just the food and shelter, and can you fulfill those responsibilities? Will any siblings feel resentful if you are the one taking care of your parent?
Modifying your Living Space
When the decision to move a parent in to your home comes into play, do you have any idea where to put them? Will one of your family members be displaced from their room and cause resentment? Can a spare room, home office or den be converted successfully for your parent? Would building an addition to the home be possible so no one loses their personal space? How about home modifications for any assistance devices? Would you have to build a wheelchair ramp, install special door knobs or railings?
Consider the “baggage” your parent will be bringing with them. Can you handle their yapping lap dog or precious kitty? Could you handle questionable personal behaviors such as smoking or drinking? What about having friends over? Can you handle your parent’s friends and other family members coming over to visit?
Time and Money
Time and money are other aspects to consider when your parent moves in so you can care for them. How do you handle your finances as well as theirs? Should they offer to pay some rent or contribute to groceries? What should be the division of expenses? How will other family members such as your siblings feel about the financial aspect? Will you have to change jobs, reduce your work hours or quit all together to serve as caregiver to your parent?
If you do have to work, how will your parent care for themselves during the day? Will you hire a companion? Do you have any inkling on how you plan to juggle your needs, that of your spouse and kids in addition to your parent? How will the division of labor between family members be spread out, if at all?
Other Considerations
Some parental caregiving may converge with personal issues. Could you handle spoon feeding your parent? What about bathing them or changing their diaper should they have incontinence? Do you know what to expect in regards to your parent’s health and what to do in an emergency? Would you be able to take care of yourself so that you do not burn out serving as caregiver? If you need time to yourself, are you willing to hire a nurse or someone for respite care?
You have got to look before you leap into any situation regarding parental caregiving in your own home. There is not just one party (your parent) to think of but many, so delving into all of those questions above will help you make your decision.
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I wrote a book with Shira Block “When Your Parent Moves In” It can help anyone who is going through this situation.