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One of life’s hardest struggles for many people is when they realize that their parents are aging and may no longer be able to take care of themselves. The immediate reaction for most people in this situation is to want to move their parents in with them. After all, these are the people who raised you and cared for you – most people feel obligated to step in when their parents are the ones who need the care. But while this can be a good option for some people, it doesn’t work for everyone, and it isn’t a decision anyone should take lightly. Before you take the leap and move your parents in with you – and end up creating a bad situation – consider the following points.

First, before you move your parents into your home, you have to be prepared to be honest with yourself about why you are doing it. Do you feel like you have to do it? Do you feel as if it is just what is expected of you and you have no choice? What about the past relationship with your parents? Many people have a checkered past when it comes to their parents, and those tensions and conflicts don’t disappear simply because a parent needs some extra help. If you are solely moving your parent into your home out of obligation, you may not be a good candidate for giving them the care they need. It’s not something to feel guilty about – many people discover this when they’re faced with this kind of choice. What you would need to feel guilty about is moving in a parent you resent and not giving them the care they require. Being honest about what you can give is good for everyone.

Also, you need to consider the rest of your family. Does your spouse get along with your parents? Do your children? Moving your parents into your home marks a sacrifice for everyone, and you need to respect the feelings of the other people living in your home before you make the choice. Having your parents in your home will decrease your privacy and cause a financial burden, plus, depending on how much care they require, it may lessen the time you have to spend with your spouse and children. You have to take their feelings into consideration when making the decision.

Next, ask yourself if you really have a home to accommodate your parents. Do you have a spare room? Will everyone be able to have some privacy? Especially if your parents require a significant amount of care, crowding them into a too small home is unfair to everyone involved.

You should also be realistic about the kind of care your parents need and your ability to provide it. On one hand, maybe they are getting a little bit older but don’t need a great deal of care. In this case, maybe they would benefit from living closer to you, but not with you. On the other hand, maybe one or both of your parents requires around the clock, full personal care, including bathing and diapering. Are you able to complete those tasks? Can you be there all of the time? If not, putting them in a home where they can receive this kind of care may be the kindest choice for both of you.

One thing to be wary of if you take a parent in is how other siblings feel about it. Some may be jealous of the time you get to spend with your parents, while you may feel resentful for their lack of help. Keeping the lines of communication open is crucial for everyone involved.

It is not an easy decision to make when contemplating moving your parent in with you.  It will take a lot of thought and communication with everyone that may be affected before you make the decision.

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 14th, 2009 at 1:30 am and is filed under Home Caregiver. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.