It can be very difficult to take your loved one aside, especially an elderly parent, and talk to them about their need for caregiving. After all, you do love them and want what is best for them and you want to keep them safe. You may find that now is the time for you to jump into the caregiving role. You must work closely with your loved one in order for them to understand the needs they have and how you want to help. You may have not seen eye to eye in the past, but now is the time to put that aside. You must work together with them, unless they are unable to communicate. Both of you must walk away satisfied and comfortable.
Much of the time your loved one may only need caregiving in the form of daily assistance with household chores such as washing the dishes, cooking, cleaning or going to the store. They may have some physical infirmities that slow them down but they may not be disabled. You may be able to help out with these tasks yourself or you may wish to pay a companion to assume the caregiving role a few days a week. Your loved one should be easy to talk to on this subject as it is not a real intense problem. It is a different story if your loved one has cognitive impairments that require more intense caregiving or they have a disability that renders them unable to live independently. Your discussions regarding home care may get a little more intense if that is the case. We all know that some elderly parents can get very stubborn.
To be more prepared it is essential that you ready yourself for the inevitable discussions you will have to have with the person you are home caring for. You should be ready to counter with an answer for any question or objection they may have. Always remain respectful of their independence but have statistics, charts and arguments on hand if necessary to support your ideas. Below are some tips to help you effectively communicate with your loved one about home caregiving.
1. Set up a specific date, time and place for your caregiver talk with your loved one. Turn off the phones and TVs if possible to get some good conversation time. You may find it to be more relaxing to have a talk while on a walk or drinking coffee at the local coffee house. You know your loved one best, so you know where it may be best to talk to them. Maybe they will be the most comfortable in their own home or outside on a relaxing porch.
2. Prepare a written list of items you would like to discuss so you can more easily remember all of them. Many adults are distracted in life with so many activities, so a written outline can help. As well, be sure to have a written list of various options for solving any caregiving problem or situation. You want your love one to feel they have choices and it is not a, “You have to do it this way” situation.
3. Be prepared for some negative feelings or even outright hostility. Suggesting caregiving to an elderly or infirmed person may look to them like a loss of independence, and it is to some extent. No person with infirmities wants to feel like a patient or a burden, so you have to make sure your loved one understands that you will get them as much autonomy as you can. If your loved one is still mentally all there but they are physically disabled than you will have to do what you can conversation-wise and plan-wise to ease their mind about caregiving and why it is necessary.
4. Be a good listener and observer. It is important that you express your ideas and feelings honestly and don’t try to hide anything. Let them know you worry about them. In turn you have to give your loved one time to communicate back to you. Show interest in what they are saying. Try to observe their body language. It may tell you that what they are saying is not what they feel. They could simply be saying what they think you want to hear. The truth is in the way they hold their posture or in other non-verbal communications. Encourage them to open up as much as possible.
5. Go into your conversation with your loved one expecting that you will need more than one. They may want time to think and analyze their own situation. Don’t be reluctant to compromise on various issues and be willing to look for alternative solutions to various home care problems. If you and your loved one get stuck on an issue try to find another person or agency that can help resolve the issues. Facilitators, social workers and religious leaders are all possible people to turn to.
Always be honest with your loved one about home caregiving. Make sure that if you promise something that you follow through on your plans. Too many caregivers make promises just to appease the loved one. Be persistent as well and let them know you have their best interest in mind and will try to maintain some of the independence but you are not super human. There are links on this site to help you find both products you may need as well as other resources.
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This is some great advice. I’ve found that the best thing for the elderly is to have a medical alarm system. I wrote about how having a medical pendant has allowed my grandparents to remain independent. You can read my post here: http://www.seniorsafety.com/wordpress/index.php/2010/09/20/keeping-your-independence-with-medical-alert-systems/